We had decided not to tell the kids, or anyone else, what we were doing. The reasons for not telling our kids were mainly that we did not want to worry them. Lucy, our oldest, is a natural worrier. This child worries about anything, and if she doesn't have anything in her life at that moment to worry about, she'll dream something up - like, "What if I throw up in the night?" - and get all bent out of shape over it. So Dad having surgery, possibly a new sibling... why put her through that when it was quite possible it would not be a successful surgery. The typical success rate - measured by a return of sperm, not pregnancy - for vasectomies as old as David's is about 60%. For similar reasons, we opted to not tell our parents/families either.
We decided to drive to St. Louis the Sunday before his Monday surgery, since it was a morning surgery, and thus we could be sure to arrive on time and not have to get up super early. It happened to be Mother's day that day - so apropos. Due to some previous trips, we'd racked up enough hotels.com nights to get a free stay, so we found a nice hotel and only had to pay about $20 for taxes. We went swimming at the hotel, ate some good pizza next door, watched The Amazing Race, and went to bed. David and I did not sleep very well.
We told the kids that Daddy was going to see a "man's doctor." We explained that the way a woman goes to a woman's doctor (they know I go to a different doctor sometimes), men sometimes have to go to men's doctors. We also said Daddy would be getting shots and be a little sore. They understand getting shots. We made it out to be no big deal so they wouldn't think it was a big deal.
The office was much like any doctor's office you would find in a mixed residential/commercial part of a suburb. We paid at the front desk, and our kids were shown a room where they could hang out. Dr. Sommers asked David and me to come back to his office. We sat down and he briefly went over, with a diagram, what the surgery would entail. He then gave David a dose of an antibiotic (just a precaution) and a teeny tiny drink of water (they can't stop surgery midway and let you use the toilet) and sent him to the bathroom. While he was gone, the doctor asked me about what I planned to do during the surgery. I told him we were going to pick up David's prescriptions, then do some shopping at Trader Joe's. He asked if I knew where to go and I said I was somewhat familiar, because the temple, where we were married, was not far from there. He was intrigued that we were Mormon and wanted to know the Church's stance on sterilization. I told him that I had learned that the Church's official stance was against it, but this was not something we knew seven years before, when we had it done. I'm not sure it would have changed our minds, but I do think it would have been nice to have known and at least considered that when weighing our options.
(Back story: the actual snippet - pun intended - about sterilization may be found in the official Church Handbook section 21.4.15: "Surgical Sterilization (Including Vasectomy)
The Church strongly discourages surgical sterilization as an elective form of birth control. Surgical sterilization should be considered only if (1) medical conditions seriously jeopardize life or health or (2) birth defects or serious trauma have rendered a person mentally incompetent and not responsible for his or her actions. Such conditions must be determined by competent medical judgment and in accordance with law. Even then, the persons responsible for this decision should consult with each other and with their bishop and should receive divine confirmation of their decision through prayer." Yet another section of the very same Handbook, 21.4.4, says, "The decision as to how many children to have and when to have them is extremely intimate and private and should be left between the couple and the Lord." So, it's a mixed bag, honestly.)
David then returned from the bathroom, and they were ready to begin surgery. Dr. Sommers had a surgical assistant in there with him. We said goodbye and the kids and I took off to Trader Joe's. After that, we stopped at CVS to fill his prescriptions, then went to a nearby park that the doctor had told me about. David was awake and able to text me throughout the surgery, which was reassuring. We had only been at the park a few minutes when he texted me to say that it was almost time to pick him up. His total surgery time was less than two hours.
We picked him up and started back for home. The numbing agent was beginning to wear off already, so we started the ice packs. Rather, pea packs. I had purchased two bags of frozen peas at TJ's. And David took some ibuprofen. He was comfortable enough on the three hour drive home. He had more swelling and pain than with the original vasectomy, but was well enough to work the next day (in pajamas, with frozen peas in his lap). By about a week, his pain was pretty much gone.
It's a good thing he works from home!
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